i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
