if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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