I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
