Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
