Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
