My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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