You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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