i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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