I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Hippo gnu deer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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