you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
