oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
