you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
