I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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