guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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