dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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