I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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