She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
