question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
