Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
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