sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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