my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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