Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
