remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize