Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
