girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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