I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize