i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
