Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
