woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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