If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
