your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
