Your face is a jimmy john
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
