idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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