and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
