from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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