i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
