anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
