I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
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