I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's shark week go big or go home
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
