Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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