I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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