DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
