Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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