if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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