We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
