You're so nebulous sometimes
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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