Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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