so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
