video games are the ultimate cock blocker
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
