I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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