I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
