I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
