I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
