The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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