erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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