so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
