You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
