He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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