The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
