twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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