i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
