Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
